Recently I encountered a situation in which a person was not prepared to engage in dialogue. And how many of us are really ready?
Dialogue is a conversation of two. Conversation and not a lecture in which one speaks and another just listens. Often the speaker either is not capable to listen (he is a speaker after all ) or tries to impose his point of view. If you try to make a dialogue with such a person you will fail cause it is like talking to the wall.
Unfortunately, this happens all the time. Most divorces happen because of the fact that people can not talk to each other, and those who continue to live together are not always successful in this as well. Sometimes people just do not want changes or one of the two plays solo and another enthusiastically catches every word of soloist. In the latter case, it could be even called a successful union , but only if the listener feels that his needs are not neglected. Of course there are happy marriages. However they are in my opinion the unions of people who worked on them. The marriages of people who to the contrary to mathematics want to add one to one and get also one. Cause it is not mathematics and cold numbers, but real people. Lack of the communication skills primarily affects the marriage, but is manifested not only in it. There are plenty of other examples: a parent and a child , a teacher and a student , friends , etc. . The list can go on and on …
Where does this problem originate from? I think one of the reasons is when a person feels that he is always right and blame others. Occasionally such people can even ” admit their shortcomings”. However for some reason they talked about it proudly making it clear that in fact it is not a disadvantage, but the sign of dignity …
What is necessary for the dialogue? Two main things: the ability to hear another person and ability to express our feelings in a way that doesn’t humiliate another person. It’s so simple in words and so hard in life.
I mean to hear another person and really understand his point of view, not our understanding but his. Admit our mistakes in order not to repeat them in future. Try to find a compromise for the sake of union, association, collaboration, friendship, peace in the family …
Much harder to change yourself when you are already an adult and some people never change. They eagerly continue to seek for support from the crowd and do not accept criticism (If someone criticizes me it means he was wrong and I’m always right). They can’t accept the opinion that is different from theirs. Because they lack an ability to see beyond themselves.
It is so different when a person can look at himself honestly, accept the problems and tries to work things out. Sure, criticism or self-criticism should be constructive in order to help if not to change the opinion but at least to see the situation under a different angle and as a result to enrich the person .
It is also crucial to be able to communicate our feelings and be precise and respectful. Many people don’t know how to do it. They either do it in a wrong time when the emotions are still heated or simply do not know how to express themselves without blaming the other side.
I think that it is our role as parents to prepare our children to talk, to live and to work together with others. To be able to listen. And talk.